Kilas Balik 2024

 Hi!

Sudah tahun 2025, the year I turn 30 (saat tulisan ini dibuat, belum). I promised myself last year that I would start living more 'ugal-ugalan' and choose myself over everything. My 'people-pleaser' era is oveeeerrrr. So, on this random evening, I want to throw back to last year, because so many interesting things happened. 

Di post terakhirku, aku bilang kalau saat itu aku sedang galau karena terlalu banyak pilihan karir yang muncul dan aku belum tau mana pilihan yang aku ambil. Pada akhirnya......aku menjalani hampir semua pilihan, tapi tidak di waktu yang bersamaan. 

Terkait pilihan untuk pindah karir ke bidang cybersecurity, aku memutuskan untuk tidak pindah karir ke bidang itu tapi aku tetap belajar tentang itu just for fun (biar ga bosan dengan SAP). Tanpa sengaja, aku ketemu website ini yang isinya menjelaskan step-step untuk jadi expert di berbagai profesi IT, salah satunya cyber security expert nah jadinya aku belajar dari website ini. Belajarnya pusing tapi menyenangkan, hahaha.

Terkait pilihan untuk sertifikasi, ada perusahaan yang out of nowhere reach out ke aku dan mereka bilang mau bayarin aku buat sertifikasi karena mereka mau mengajukan perusahaannya ke SAP untuk naik tier dari silver partner ke gold partner. Awalnya aku pikir ini scam tapi ternyata engga loh. Aku beneran dibayarin dan dikasih akses ke SAP Learning Hub yang harganya mahal banget buatku. Dari dua sertifikasi yang ditawarkan, aku lulus satu, hiks. Well, at least I can say that I'm a certified SAP MM consultant now. Yang satu lagi akan aku ambil di tahun ini dan aku mau nego ke mereka untuk bayar sendiri tapi mereka yang urus....wish me luck ya guys.

Lalu terkait freelance as a side job, secara tiba-tiba aku dapat tawaran untuk freelance dari senior di kantor. Memang hasilnya tidak banyak, tapi seenggaknya aku bisa merasakan gimana rasanya punya main job dan side job di bidang yang aku suka. Ternyata rasanya capek banget! Tapi aku senang sih karena aku merasa side job ini lumayan banget buat asah kemampuan SAP MM ku, karena di kantor sekarang aku pegang SAP VMS.

Berikutnya terkait pindah kerja ke Jepang,yang tadinya aku buta sama sekali dengan requirements konsultan SAP di sana, surprisingly ketemu beberapa lowongan yang bisa menuju ke sana. Let's see gimana nanti ujungnya.

And last year, I tried to open myself up again. For the past eight years, I've been having fun on my own, unlearning and relearning many things—no long-time crush, no partner, just me. To be honest, even now, I'm not looking for any kind of romantic relationship (not yet) because I still want to focus on myself and my career, but I kinda want some company....a chat and hangout partner. So, like I always do, I started swiping on some apps. I matched with some guys, but they were either uninteresting, ghosted me, or we had different objectives, so after few dates I stopped using apps and here I am again, focusing on myself.

I did realize one thing, tho—I kept comparing them to M, someone I met in November 2022, who changed all of my preconceptions about my ideal partner. Every time I'm on a date, I unconsciously compare them like:

Oh, he keeps talking about himself. Ga kaya M ya, yang mau tau soal aku juga dan punya banyak follow-up questions.

Oh, he's kinda rude to the waitress. Kalau M sih ga gini.

Hmm orang ini nanya-nanya soal aku sih, tapi rasanya kaya buat formalitas aja. Mungkin supaya dianggap sopan aja ya. Tapi kalau sama M, aku ga ngerasa gitu.

Hmm I think he just dragging the conversation. Aku bingung mau ngobrol apa lagi...dia ga ada follow-up questions. Kalau sama M, aku ga pernah bingung mau ngobrolin apa.

Oh, he's more interested in physical intimacy stuffs among other things. Understandable sih, tapi kalau sama M dia malah lebih semangat ngobrol soal hal lain. 

Hmm kok dia iya-iya aja ya sama semua omonganku? Padahal aku mau diskusi dan mau tau opini dia, bukan cuma diiyain aja. Seems like he doesn't have a stance on anything. Atau aku yang salah dan boring ya? Kalau iya, kenapa ga bilang aja jujur ke aku jadi clear kan. M bisa call-out aku, dia juga punya banyak opini menarik dan bisa agree to disagree.

And so on and so forth. On top of everything, I've never felt as safe, seen, and heard as I did with M. It's like... I'm looking for him in every guy I meet. It's so fcked up, right? I know. That's why I know I won't settle down anytime soon, unless I meet someone who makes me feel safe and at ease, just like M. Maybe you're wondering "yaudiinnn, terus kenapa ga sama M aja? Ah ribet" well, we can't because of our beliefs. I was too afraid to do anything too far so we were just friends at that time. We 'parted ways' in March 2023, but to this day, I'm still thankful that Allah allowed me to cross paths with someone like him. 

Soooo yah, segitu aja kilas baliknya. It's strange how you can feel so different in just a year. Last year I felt so lost and hopeless but this year everything has become clearer, and I already have some goals that I want to achieve. Semoga semuanya bisa tercapai huhuw aamiin.